Ewwwww, Gross!

Flush - Carl Hiaasen

There's no question whatsoever of "nature vs. nurture" in the Underwood family. Given that papa Underwood - the name "Paine" is on his mug shot the local sheriff's department - named his daughter Abbey "...after one of his favorite writers, some weird old bird who's buried out west in the middle of a desert," it should come as no surprise that he's been known to perform a wee tad of monkey-wrenching¹. And getting caught - which is his most recent problem. With Dad in jail and Mom walking around mumbling the dreaded D-word², young Noah Underwood is having himself a heckuva bad summer.

Dad's locked up in the local clink for scuttling the casino ship Coral Queen. Seems Underwood learned that the owner, Jasper "Dusty" Muleman, has been dumping the holding tanks of his floating crap game (lots of crap games, actually) in the harbor every night after the casino closes, and the effluent keeps polluting the only swimming beach on the Key - not to mention the only place loggerhead turtles have to lay their eggs thereabouts. Paine is not amused - but, then, neither is local law enforcement when he takes matters in his own hands, since they require that there be an arrest and trial before a polluter can be punished.

With his Dad locked up, Noah decides to take up the family cause - a tough job for a twelve-year-old, especially one who has to contend with both an anal-retentive little sister and a couple of bullies who've already had their growth spurts. Of course, one bully is none other than Jasper Muleman, Jr., which does complicate matters a bit. But take up the cause Noah does, ably assisted by his ramrod-straight little sister and a barb-wire-tattooed, multiple-ear-pierced, fishnet-stockinged bartender on that same Coral Queen, name of Shelly. Given a couple of deus ex machina visits from ol' Scarface the Pirate and the surprisingly sneaky plan the kids have concocted, the three conspirators have a darned good chance of putting paid to Muleman's stinky habits.
Except that Noah's about to learn that you really shouldn't count your loggerhead turtles before they're hatched...


After a couple of decades of writing for adults, Carl Hiaasen has apparently decided that it's better to catch 'em while they're young. Beginning with 2003's Hoot - winner of a prestigious Newberry Medal - Hiaasen dove headfirst into juvenile fiction. In his second foray into the field, Flush, Hiaasen spins out another tale of an adolescent boy's love and respect for nature and a battle to protect one of the few remaining wild places. Long-time fans of the Miami Herald columnist and best-selling author (Strip Tease, Native Tongue) will recognize the themes from his adult fiction - although his quirky characters and sometimes excessive violence have been toned down. Maybe I take that back: the character of Shelly, with her tangerine perfume and her five-inch stilettos is pretty quirky for juvenile fiction.

Given that Flush is a book for adolescents, you probably assume that the bad guys will end up getting their just deserts and that the last scene in the book to be of the wonders of nature - and you'd be right: your young reader will learn that grime, err, crime does not pay. You'd also be right if you bet that the youthful protagonist will do a little bit of growing up, the cavalry will arrive in time to save the day (more than one day, in fact) and that blood will always be thicker than water - it's a kid's book, after all. It's not all beer and skittles for young Noah, though - he learns the golden rule: them that has the gold makes the rules (but still get it in the end, at least in kid's books, if not in real life). And also note - given that it's a kid's book - you might be a bit taken aback by the fairly adult way that young Noah notices Shelly's... ummm... assets, and perhaps you might be a bit taken aback by Shelly's entire lifestyle. That's between you and your kids, I suppose.

Unlike Hoot, which had just a couple of un-nice words, the text of Flush is free of anything scatological, quite unlike the beach where the Coral Queen's waste keeps ending up - but your teen (or tween) may get grossed out a time or two and also might get a bit worried when Noah and his sister sneak around in the dark to go up against some pretty mean specimens. Of course, if your idea of good juvenile fiction is the recent Help Mom, There are Liberals Under My Bed, then you might as well forget anything Hiaasen ever wrote and head on over to Zondervan's. Your call.
Though not quite as much fun as Hoot (admittedly, not much is), Flush is certainly a winner in its own right and gets across the message that Hiaasen wants to impart. I may say it's not quite as good as Hoot, but if this is a sophomore slump, then I'm looking forward to the next one 'cause it ought to be a hum-dinger. Highly recommended - ages 12-15.

¹ He's talking about the late Edward Abbey, who wrote The Monkey Wrench Gang.
² She's talking about Tammy Wynette's big hit, "D-I-V-O-R-C-E"

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